To Believe or not to Believe

I remember i had a lesson once about God and religiousness and related stuff. After the class our teacher asked our class of 50 students, how many of us believed in God (in any form) ... I don't remeber the exact numbers... but about 40 45 students stood up and said they did believe and about 5 or 10 said they didn't... I was the only one who said i'm not decided... somehow the teacher thought this was pretty funny and so did a few others... (I've still not forgiven her for that and many other things... but that's a story for another day and another time)
It's been some time since then and nothing's really happened that's changed my opinion...I mean i still go to temples with my parents, still make a show of asking someone up there for help whenever i go for exams , start driving or do whatever the hell i'm doing for which a bit of extra help might come in handy. But I've never truly believed that there's anyone up there and even if he is...i don't see why he should want to help me... i mean...there are a lot more deserving ppl... And personally, I still don't know which God to worship... there are supposed to be so many of them... There are lot's of other problems too to becominga believer... it seems you might have to give up on a lot of logic which just doesn't seem possible for me to do... so there you go i don't believe in Him
But all this doesn't actually mean i'm an atheist either, at least i don't think i am... The total lack of belief in something supernatural seems a very depressing thought.... it's always nice to beleive that if you've given you're best you'll get what you want... but anyone who's done anything knows that that's not how the world works... there's always that element of luck... and if staring at an idol and chanting a few names brings me that luck... then so be it...

Sometimes i wish i was a believer .... then again whenever i try, there's always that little guy on my shoulder saying..."come on... you don't seriously expect praying to help, do you??? " ... maybe there's a life changing experience that's going to come to me sometime that'll make me start beleiving... but until then... i'm just a sad lonely boy wondering hw the hell did everyone else decide wether to beleive or not to beleive....

“To believe in God is impossible - to not believe in Him is absurd” : Voltaire